You know how good it gets and how powerful it can feel. It’s more than a weakness, it’s my Achilles heel. 

I’m not immune to hunger she’s the tempest in my bed. I’ll lie here and think of you,  hands tied above your head. 

It’s the way you say my name when my hands devour your soul. It’s the way you bite your lip when I’m in control.

I’ve found a kindness in the silence of thoughts. I watch you move, but can’t tell you what I’m thinking. It would only distract your oblivious heart. A heart that gives so willingly, without question or urgency. 

I can’t tell you that it’s not you that I see when you’re talking. When you’re giving so effortlessly. That’s what you do, but it’s still not you. 

There’s no doubt of your beauty or the change you’ve made in me, but when I’m looking in your eyes it’s not you who’s touching me. 

Maybe in time.

I hope your eyes find clearer skies and your bones feel warmth of calmer arms. I hope fate treats you well and you live to tell of poetry and love. 

I hope the life you find is always kind and road ahead is true to you. I hope when darkness comes it doesn’t last, that what is now will come to pass. 

Wounds heal and hearts beat, time marches with relentless feet. Words remain unchanged, never unsaid or rearranged. 

Breathe in the seasons, walk in the rain. Let the pull of the ocean fill every vein and write everything with heart. 

I fucking love my job! It’s manic. It’s fun. It’s exhausting, but I’m so happy I went for it. 

…. Things feel really calm right now. It’s two years ago tomorrow that my mum passed away. Not sure if that’s the reason behind the calm. I miss her incredibly and I hope that never leaves me. She’ll always be a part of everything I do.    Those two years have gone so fast. 

….I have nothing to say. 

Some things shine,  some things burn and  some  just fade away. The paths we choose, the lines we use day after fucking day. 

No longer the masterful, just a shadow of the brave. Nothing more than a passing storm, riding out the wave. 

We plant the seeds of all our dreams, but then we drown them. 

He says I smell like an angel and that my eyes are the bluest of oceans. How my lips curve so sensually when I smile. 

He says such beautiful things, but I feel nothing from his words. No spark when he brushes against me, no desire to shape his heart. 

He says he thinks of me in the middle of the night and how my face would grace his pillowcase, but I dont dream of him. 

I want the butterflies in my heart, I want the walk in the woods. I don’t feel these desires at all. I’m not sure if ever could. 

He says I need time to heal and he’s there to ease the pain. I have no use for a bandage, I need to feel alive again. 

He says such beautiful things, but he’s not you. 

Cold metal on my fingertips the buckle in my hand, soft leather slides so easily your wish is my command. 
I want to pin you down and make you mine with every word I say. I bite my lip at the thought of you a thousand times a day. 

The past year has made me change direction and more than once. As things turned out its instability was not of my doing. You can’t alter the make up of people and rightly so. People go through life doing what they’ve possibly always done. Change only comes to those who want to change.

It’s made me dissect myself. I laid fault at my feet for some time. It was wrongly placed, but it’s taken me a while to understand that.

I missed a few chances due to the time spent living a lie, but thankfully some of those chances didn’t lose faith in me and my heart is still set on what I need from the coming years. 

Solitude in a green expanse close to the ocean. I don’t want to be boxed in any longer. So my new job will allow me to make plans and save for what I need. Two years should do it. 

Making plans is one thing I’ve learnt over the past year, going it alone another lesson.