I’ve had a touch of writers block for a couple of weeks. Mostly due to contentment, satisfaction and a peaceful heart. Yes the outside world is still full of dicks, but sometimes closing the door on that is very healthy. My heart definitely needs quiet times. Not empty, just still and at ease. You can’t control what others choose to do. Some people plant seeds some chase Pokemon and yes I think there is a massive difference between the two.
Should I describe how seeing you (when I close my eyes I can still see you) took my breath away. How touching you in that moment was the most sensual experience. Should I?
How the fantasy of meeting you was nothing in comparison to the reality. How your hair felt between my fingers. The world disappeared.
How I wanted you right there. Drowning in you but wanting to go deeper still. How your clothes felt against me, how your shirt brushed my face as we embraced.
How these words just flow from my heart to my fingertips, how those first moments with you inspire each syllable. I remember every second.
Think I was looking at my phone when I first met you. Slight drizzle settled on my feet. It was dry when I left and I paid little heed to distance and weather. I’m pretty sure my feet are waterproof anyway. It was noisy, taxi horns and suitcase wheels. Typical station noises aren’t something I’d associate with a perfect day. Until that day.
You can’t really capture a moment. Rightly so. Moments would become the new digital backlog of things that you capture just to share with others. You can’t share a feeling and utopia has a different meaning for everyone.
I’d watched my mum and dad kiss on station platforms for years. Dad always looked so smart and mum was such a knockout. Cat suits and hot pants. She was my fashion icon as a kid. I was conceived on Valentine’s Day in a hotel in Lyme Regis. Not sure why I was given that information, but I’m glad I have it.
So I’d shared their moments, their meetings. Never truly understood what I was seeing back then. I’m so glad that I came from love and passion. I’m grateful for the feelings I am capable of feeling and understanding why I have them.
First impressions had long since passed.